![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
it just got me thinking.
do you always know your going to kill yourself?
andrew;stop panicking. im fine.
i am here..
- Mood:
indescribable
i am so sick of everyone being fucking ridiculous.
i can't even hang out with you without them turning into idiots.
i'm going.
to.
snap.
i can't even hang out with you without them turning into idiots.
i'm going.
to.
snap.
- Mood:
frustrated
If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves
If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves
If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
- Mood:
depressed
i will never let you fall.
i'll stand up with you forever.
i'll be there for you through it all.
even if saving you sends me to heaven..
i'll stand up with you forever.
i'll be there for you through it all.
even if saving you sends me to heaven..
- Mood: lonely
why do i have feelings for you ?
- Mood:
confused
why can't i just accept that we are never going to be together?
i keep holding it inside.
that maybe one day,
you said;
"one day."
so of coarse i kept wishing.
hoping.
wanting.
just to once again come to the same conclusion.
that you can't build anything from nothing.
which, really was all we had.
nothing.
why dont i listen to that little voice that screams everytime i say your name..
- Mood: frustrated
i am so sick of feeling like i have to fight with you to get attention.
or beg you to want to spend time with me..
- Mood: drained
- Music:bad touch- blood hound gang
i really have no idea what to do.
i just want to have a goddam normal relationship.
but i guess that's not possible either.
everytime i try to put everything behind me and start off clean,
someone has to bring up the past
and throw it in my face.
and she really is getting to me..
i dont know who to trust anymore.
or who to believe.
i just want to go to sleep.
and wake up when everything is simple.
and everything makes sense.
and i'm not just being used by everyone around me..
i just want to have a goddam normal relationship.
but i guess that's not possible either.
everytime i try to put everything behind me and start off clean,
someone has to bring up the past
and throw it in my face.
and she really is getting to me..
i dont know who to trust anymore.
or who to believe.
i just want to go to sleep.
and wake up when everything is simple.
and everything makes sense.
and i'm not just being used by everyone around me..
- Mood: uncomfortable
There's an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
so it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with "How are you?"
and "I'm fine" ...
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else -
except the elephant in the room.
There's an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting,
so it is hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with "How are you?"
and "I'm fine" ...
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else -
except the elephant in the room.
There's an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
- Music:princess- short stack
Over the last couple of weeks I have felt worse and worse about myself. I have sat in my room, slept, gone on the computer and just tried to keep to myself. I was dreading the return to school. Having to face everyone again. To put on the plastic smile and pretend like everything is ok. When I know deep down it isn't. Something isn't right.
It came to me the day before last, as I had just had a very bad day at school, and alot of things from the past had been brought up. And my aunty asked me to do the washing up, take the clothes off the line, mop the floors and clean the mirrors. I really wasn't up to it, and just wanted to lie on my bed, listen to music, sleep, just anything to relax for a while. I felt so drained.
But still, she has just been through a pretty rough divorce, and I didn't exactly want her screaming at me at the moment, because I probably would have slapped her. So I got up and did the washing up mopped the floors did the mirrors and took the clothes off the line. I finally dragged myself back to bed and just lay there. I think I fell asleep because when I opened my eyes she was walking into my room. Which was unexpected.
She was upest at me for using the wrong polish on the mirrors. I was lectured about not listening and not doing anything right. And the whole time I was thinking, atleast I tried. But I only ever get noticed when I do something wrong. Not when something is done right. She didn't notice the clothes, the floors or the washing up. No. Only noticed the flaw.
Her Karma is coming.
It came to me the day before last, as I had just had a very bad day at school, and alot of things from the past had been brought up. And my aunty asked me to do the washing up, take the clothes off the line, mop the floors and clean the mirrors. I really wasn't up to it, and just wanted to lie on my bed, listen to music, sleep, just anything to relax for a while. I felt so drained.
But still, she has just been through a pretty rough divorce, and I didn't exactly want her screaming at me at the moment, because I probably would have slapped her. So I got up and did the washing up mopped the floors did the mirrors and took the clothes off the line. I finally dragged myself back to bed and just lay there. I think I fell asleep because when I opened my eyes she was walking into my room. Which was unexpected.
She was upest at me for using the wrong polish on the mirrors. I was lectured about not listening and not doing anything right. And the whole time I was thinking, atleast I tried. But I only ever get noticed when I do something wrong. Not when something is done right. She didn't notice the clothes, the floors or the washing up. No. Only noticed the flaw.
Her Karma is coming.
- Music:love sick- killing hannah
Two pictures of one tree. Both tree's looking exactly the same, as they should, being the same tree.
Picture one, drawn by an artist that has simply thought the tree as something that would look nice as artwork. This artist draws the tree how he see's it. Twisting branches, browning leaves, cute pink flowers and thick, old tree trunk.
Picture two, drawn by the owner of the yard in which the tree grows, who has grown up with the tree there whole life.
Who really paints the tree? The artist who has only seen the tree? Or the artist who has sat beneath it's shade, the one who has smelt it's flowers, crushed it's leaves, felt it's sticky sap on the skin, climbed into it's branches and scraped his shins on it's bark?
Now both of these artists may be very skilled when it comes to their craft; however, the first will paint what everybody sees... but the second will paint what the artist alone can see. And only one, will paint the real tree.
Picture one, drawn by an artist that has simply thought the tree as something that would look nice as artwork. This artist draws the tree how he see's it. Twisting branches, browning leaves, cute pink flowers and thick, old tree trunk.
Picture two, drawn by the owner of the yard in which the tree grows, who has grown up with the tree there whole life.
Who really paints the tree? The artist who has only seen the tree? Or the artist who has sat beneath it's shade, the one who has smelt it's flowers, crushed it's leaves, felt it's sticky sap on the skin, climbed into it's branches and scraped his shins on it's bark?
Now both of these artists may be very skilled when it comes to their craft; however, the first will paint what everybody sees... but the second will paint what the artist alone can see. And only one, will paint the real tree.
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:all i want is you- barry loius polisar
today i decided to try do everything anti-you.
i ate tuna
i listened to michael jackson
i wore purple clothes
i talked to the one person you hate
i read stephen king
i went for a run
i watched pretty in pink
all of this was to try escape you
at the end of the day i realised
my whole day still revolved around you..
- Mood: drained
- Music:blame it on- michael jackson
had a student rep thing in atherton today.
made me forget about you for a little bit.
when i first got to school, everyone was giving me shit about my uniform.
negative.
when we went into the office toppin was there.
shes actually not as bad as everyone makes out.
she made a joke about knickers.
melena, kim and i were going with a teacher, mr cochran.
i shot gun front seat.
driving to atherton was pretty good.
interesting converstaions.
nothing was forced.
went to try get into wrong car. was funneh.
positive.
the beacon thing was alright.
lady talked for too long.
negative.
quinton was there being a dumbarse.
cheered me up a bit.
went to subway for lunch.
made asses of ourselves looking for mr cochran.
got mcflurrys
positive.
was five minutes late because lunch only went for half an hour.
negative.
got to eat mc flurrys in the hall anyway.
took massive amounts of photos.
positive.
looked like shit in most of them.
negative.
took heaps with quinton.
beacon talker finally finished,
got into car with mr cochran.
went to maccas.
asked for an orange juice.
cochran couldnt believe we went into maccas to get orange juice. haha.
interesting discussions on way home about;
"sarah wrapping self up in glad wrap and miss hoffman freaking out."
"apparently a dude is a camels penis, and a dag is the poo that hangs off goat fur."
all suggested by our teacher, of coarse.
positive.
got student id card.
worst photo yet.
negative.
went to gym with melena.
went on treadmill and bike and stuff.
gonna go again next week.
or maybe tomorrow.
undecided.
positive.
on a bad day, i have mood swings.
but on a good day,
i have the whole mood playground.
made me forget about you for a little bit.
when i first got to school, everyone was giving me shit about my uniform.
negative.
when we went into the office toppin was there.
shes actually not as bad as everyone makes out.
she made a joke about knickers.
melena, kim and i were going with a teacher, mr cochran.
i shot gun front seat.
driving to atherton was pretty good.
interesting converstaions.
nothing was forced.
went to try get into wrong car. was funneh.
positive.
the beacon thing was alright.
lady talked for too long.
negative.
quinton was there being a dumbarse.
cheered me up a bit.
went to subway for lunch.
made asses of ourselves looking for mr cochran.
got mcflurrys
positive.
was five minutes late because lunch only went for half an hour.
negative.
got to eat mc flurrys in the hall anyway.
took massive amounts of photos.
positive.
looked like shit in most of them.
negative.
took heaps with quinton.
beacon talker finally finished,
got into car with mr cochran.
went to maccas.
asked for an orange juice.
cochran couldnt believe we went into maccas to get orange juice. haha.
interesting discussions on way home about;
"sarah wrapping self up in glad wrap and miss hoffman freaking out."
"apparently a dude is a camels penis, and a dag is the poo that hangs off goat fur."
all suggested by our teacher, of coarse.
positive.
got student id card.
worst photo yet.
negative.
went to gym with melena.
went on treadmill and bike and stuff.
gonna go again next week.
or maybe tomorrow.
undecided.
positive.
on a bad day, i have mood swings.
but on a good day,
i have the whole mood playground.
- Mood: content
LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU.
i feel kinda bad writing this
but i need to let it out somehow.
i have not been happy for a long time.
and a long time meaning like 5 months.
no matter what i do.
no matter how i try to adjust my life to fit around it,
to try and change it.
i cannot.
so..
at the moment i am struggling with smiles.
forcing laughter.
hoping soon it will get better..
i feel kinda bad writing this
but i need to let it out somehow.
i have not been happy for a long time.
and a long time meaning like 5 months.
no matter what i do.
no matter how i try to adjust my life to fit around it,
to try and change it.
i cannot.
so..
at the moment i am struggling with smiles.
forcing laughter.
hoping soon it will get better..
- Mood: confused
i thought about you for a long time.
i thought of those long nights you lay holding me.
when i was scared of the thunder.
when it was cold.
i remember the way you held me.
sometimes it makes me smile.
sometimes it makes me cry.
especially when i think of you with her.
when you should have been with me.
i thought of that for a long time.
the thing that probably hurts the most,
is that you still dont know what you have done.
after everything
all the tears
all the screaming
the long cold restless nights of loneliness
that you didnt feel
but i did
i have never felt so alone
- Mood:
listless
IT LIES IN MY ROOM
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT
IT WAS YOURS
I BOUGHT IT SOLELY FOR YOU
BUT NOW IT LIES
OWNER-LESS IN MY ROOM
I THINK OF BREAKING IT
OF TAKING IT
AND SMASHING IT INTO A MILLION LITTLE BITS
SO MANY THAT YOU CAN NOT FIND HALF OF THE PIECES
TO PULL IT BACK TOGETHER
sound familiar
- Mood: numb
the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
the inside of a walnut
the quack of a duck
the quack of a duck
how chocolate tastes
hunger
how i feel about my father
music
the softness of a petal
- Mood: hopeful
